Pain: A Prelude to Knock Kncok*

As his face grew visible from a distance, I clearly remember whatever it was that tugged at the top of my stomach and caused discomfort that would have sent me running...but for that wide smile it bore. A large, well built man. He had a pear-shaped head with fair reddish skin and close-cropped hair. His small flat eyes seemed to peer out of an extension of his forehead. His lips smiled, but the rest of his face had a cruelty about it that made my heart sink.

Hesitantly, I remained. He came and kneeled on the ground next to me as I played with my toys outside in the sand. "What is your name?" he asked and I answered without pausing or looking into his threatening eyes. "Can I also play?" I did not answer. His mere presence was unbearable. I became aware of the pounding in my heart and could feel it all around my body, my stomach became utter sickness and the silent tension gradually grew to a point that I exploded up from my crouch and raced towards the door.

The door! The door! I saw nothing but the door. It seemed that my arms and legs had melted. I stumbled and fell but still saw nothing but the door. I was back up, I don't know how, in a split second that seemed like a minute I found myself pushing and pulling with a thousand movements at the door handle and jamming myself into the house. The Key! Where is the key! My hands shook and things hit the floor as I groped for, found, and thrust the key a thousand times into the lock and turned it.

The clicking sound of safety released all the tension and I collapsed to the ground, prostrate and motionless. My loud and heavy breathing, my heart throbbing nausea all the way to my fingertips, the tears that ran across my temples and into my ears all slowly began to creep back into my consciousness as I lay on my back, regaining perception.

I caught with the corner of my eye his silhouette, fidgeting around the house, trying every door and every window. I heard the horrible sounds of his unsuccessful attempts to enter. But I did not move a muscle and sights and sounds slowly faded into a restless sleep of safety, right there behind the door.

*see 4 Dec 2008